Marilyn and I have a friend who we will call Ruth. For over 30 years, Ruth was happily married to a fine guy named Phil. Unfortunately, a couple of years ago, after a lengthy illness Phil passed away. Ruth began to rebuild her life without her high school sweetheart.
About a year ago Ruth met Paul and as time passed they began to see a lot of each other. Every body thought they were a great couple and were also great for each other and were excited for them when they announced they would officially become a couple. Everybody, that is except for Ruth’s kids. They are not the least bit pleased with her new romance.
Marilyn and I were discussing their situation and have some questions including
- Keeping in mind, that everybody is different what’s a reasonable length of time for grieving?
- How can you assure the kids understand and are good with the new love?
While we have no plans to make any changes in our relationship we both agree if that in the event of one of our deaths we would both want the surviving partner to be free to choose anyone they want, anytime they want. We also decided this is a conversation we need to have with our kids someday soon so everybody understands exactly how we both feel.
We trust each other to know when it’s time to stop grieving and start socializing and just so there is no confusion we would have established a two day rule so that , for Marilyn and I, the grieving period will not be shorter than two days after the deceased partner’s funeral.
Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not saying we will be looking for a date for the first single Saturday night, but we have agreed that when we feel ready (if we in fact do) the deceased spouse and our kids are good with that decision.
Some of our friends think that it’s horrible that we would even think about any of this. Have you discussed this topic with your spouse and your kids on this topic? Should you?What are your thoughts?
““Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.”-Rumi